Affectionate diaries of Young-Stupid-Love


Standing along the corridors of high school, A window of higher possibilities was left open for air to surpass, this is where we breathe together for the first time in our lives. A gaze, a long one, so rare to ingest in the wilderness of classes, hurriedness was a main door of St. Xavier’s, but I was calm and collected in the mood of love. There was no silence at all, but I was numb, He toggled to collect himself but in a sudden event we left our hearts there.

The next few days were the same: he would wait for me to come and I would make arrangement to see him. I was never late for anything, but in those days, I was lazy enough for anything but to see him. This wasn’t rare. He stumbled across bicycle looking onto me one time. It was so dreamy to be realized, he tried not to look in distress, but I did see him. This makes my belly to hiccups once again. I never said this to anyone, it wasn’t a time where girls say people that she loved someone or, she may say but I never did. He was always looking at me so was I.

I would try to stand in straight line to him in prayers, so it was easy to see him when prayer was on but he would do the same most of the time. I was exposed to him in a good way but he never did say anything to me. I thought, he might not be understanding that I wanted him to talk to me, or propose me for that matter. So, I just kept smiling whenever he looked at me. It was weird, I didn’t know what should be done. I used to say myself look one-two-three smile and now stop. He would smile too, I never thought what he was thinking, though I wished, “come on idiot, talk to me and make some sense out of the sensory.”

I never had friends, good one to share this, but once my so-called friends told me how brilliant he is. He was always into speeches and debates school used to organize every week and once in a month was inter-school debates. He won all of that, and this wasn’t helping me. Those nights and those moments of life was flowery and flaunting and so resembling to all the beautiful memories of romantic movies and romantic comedies. I was literally kept wondering and wandering around the possibilities and this was my love.

He never talked to me until I was sitting next to him in his pre-board exams. Those five to ten minute before the exam was romantic, if someone would never try to define it romantically. I would ask him answers to some questions that I already knew answer of and he would help me. Then there was all the best and best of luck things. There was also a thought of not being dumb to him consider what if he didn’t like dumb girls. Then, the sitting arrangements changed and that sucked. Then, everything sulked down to the same dig where they were. I was always restless to look for him but he never did reply and I thought maybe some other one and some other time.

On the last day of school, it was already two years gone and I was into some other guy, of course he was talking to me, he was good, really good. After the class was over we had some party and farewell, we left after it ended. I took my bicycle and l left the school. Two blocks away from school, I heard someone calling me. He came towards me, he was on bicycle; “can we talk?” he said. “No,” I said. “are you in love with anyone?” he asked. “No,” I said. “Then, I love you.” I said “No.” I increased paddling and went home. I cried, and went to sleep. I wished I had time. I keep thinking about him sometimes and sometimes I just don’t care. Life lies in moment of love not in having love.

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